Ahh the holidays. What a jolly time of year. Everyone is either decorating with lights or shopping or singing merry Christmas carols. There’s always an office party to look forward to where you get to wear thatugly sweaterand talk about what vacation you want to go on.. There’s really only one way to accuratelydescribe Christmas. That is, unless yourheart is two sizes too small.
But even if you haveresting grinch face and want to steal x-mas, you’ve come across the hardest workingelves south of the north pole. We’ve made sure that there won’t be anynightmaresbefore Christmas so you never need to go searching for gift ideas again. Because let’s face it, dad can never have enough coolsocks.
I know what you’re thinking-You serious, Clark? While I couldn’t be more serious, don’t be acotton-headed ninny muggins and forget the reason for the season is actually abirthday celebration...I think (or, if you like the baby version of Jesus the best,this is for you).
For the sake of your Christmas, I suggest youdon’t stop believing in Santa Claus. If you do, you’re in for somebad news. If you are on theHo3 sleigh, then it’s important I tell you a couple little secrets about jolly old Saint Nicholas… helikesbig bulbs and is extremelywell hung. Ladies, make sure there arecookies out on Christmas Eve, if you know what I mean. It’s not likeabstinenceis even 100% effective*!
L’chaim, bitches and to all a good night.